Monday, September 15, 2014


The picture on my personal Facebook page was over 3 years old. Each time I logged in I would tell myself to update it, but I never did until yesterday. I searched and searched for a photo of myself, which was really hard. Why don't I take photos of myself or allow people to take photos of me? Once upon a time I loved photos and I wanted to be a photographer. Then I chose a different path and insecurities snuck in and I allowed them to stay.

I have often struggled with how I look. For those who know me, you may think this strange because I am quite confident and I laugh most things off, and rarely hold grudges or at least not forever! I am a professional concealer! I don't like to show my feelings too much because in reality I am very emotional and I cry a lot over little things. This I know is not a bad thing, but it makes others uncomfortable and the thing I aim for in life is to make sure I don't upset or offend others - well as little as possible. The point I am making here, is that I put others before myself almost always. I don't often think of me, and when I do, I conceal. I have named this post Brave, because this is a big step for me. I am opening up about who I am and some of my insecurities are and by golly that's hard! One of the biggest insecurities I have is my outward appearance. Growing up I didn't feel I was pretty, and the times when I felt really pretty, I would see photos after the occasion and be disappointed that the photos didn't look pretty to me. I think part of this can be attributed to being an awkward teenager. I was a little on the chubby side, I had acne, I had glasses and braces all the ingredients that turn teenage boys on!! Though in some ways I am glad in hind sight (only) that I didn't have the worries of too much male attention, at least until I was 17. It gave me a chance to enjoy my teenage years in other ways and take my studies seriously, though in saying that, I was still distracted as I had terrible crushes on lots of men....not boys or teenage boys, I was always partial to the older man because they were all so mature!! Oh I can only just laugh now and shake my head!!!  While that is embarrassing in some ways, I have to admit there was a pattern. My first boyfriend was 2 years older than me. My second boyfriend was 5 years older than me. I've never really had a boyfriend the same age as me or younger. My husband is 2 years older than me too! Anyway, I have no idea why I bought this up?

Sometimes I write posts with one intent in mind and then my mind wonders and I get off topic....very much like my conversations, I have to work on this!! Now back to being brave. I feel I am brave because I am posting a picture of me. I took some time this morning to take a selfie or two. Something my kids do more often than I do the laundry - not a good comparison! I don't often like having pictures of me taken, let alone take a picture of me for a purpose. I want to change that. I am not going to be a Kim K or anything, I just want to be proud of me and what I am today, however I look. As we all know there is so much crap in our media about body image and the like. I think the problem with some mums are that we remember that once upon a time we were much slimmer and more active and we can't work out what went wrong? Well, I have had 4 kids and three of the kiddies were born via c-section (that weren't planned). C-sections don't do wonders for the body, let me tell you neither internally or externally! I got back in shape after the first two kiddies and the first C-section, and even after the third I wasn't as overweight as I currently am. I think life gets in the way and I've much prefered to sleep then wake up 1 to 2 hours earlier in the morning to fit exercise in. Anyway, I am working on that but I don't want Michelle Bridges or Weight Watchers to help me with that, I want to be able to do it on my own......I think!:)

The other reason why I am trying to be brave today, is so my daughter will see that her mum is happy with who she is. I want her to see that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes, personalities, and abilities. We are all beautiful. Before I go I want to share with you something I shared on my FB feed from, Begin with Yes, the other day which I think has to be shared

and here is the picture I am willing to share....eeek!!

1 comment:

the world inside my mind said...

You must be kidding if you consider yourself unattractive?!!! You are beautiful. I am not just saying this, I believe that you are one of the LUCKY ONES, believe me I KNOW!!! let me tell you, you are married, you have kids, you have LOVE, you have family, your wrong idea of beauty hasn't stopped you from having a fulfilled life so far, for many people who are really unattractive they didn’t get to have love because of their looks. People are superficial and harsh. I know how it is harder for woman to convince themselves that they are beautiful while the vicious media portraying unrealistic perception of beauty. And what is even frustrating to all women is that most men are not bright enough to know that the beauty they see on T.V. is FAKE!!!! They just want the same standards in their women, and that is just dump. Not all women are willing to go under the knife to get plastic surgery to have things in their bodies taken out, or put in. Not all women can afford expensive brands of makeup, beauty products and personal trainers, makeup artists and nutritionist. Beauty is much deeper concept; it is not what we see outside. When you think about it, you come across people in life and you see them beautiful at first, but when you get to know them, they suddenly turn ugly, and the opposite is also true.

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