Friday, August 7, 2015

Episode 4 The Bachelor Australia Recap and #BachieTreat Gourmet Porridge

I had such a craving for porridge last night that I just had to make some. I decided to make it for my BachieTreat and tart it up a bit like the Bachiettes do on cocktail night.  For the tartness I made a berry coulis. I heated up about a 1 1/2 cups  frozen berry mix in a dry heated saucepan and added some coconut sugar (because I am healthy) and allowed it to thicken a little. I then whizzed it up in the blender with some water (just a smidge) and smushed it through a sieve onto the cooked porridge, but that's nor how you make porridge? Um, yes it is! Then you sprinkle some shredded coconut, and some chopped dark chocolate almonds and consume with delight. But that's nor how you make porridge! In my house this is how you make 'gourmet' porridge. Eat it for brekkie, a snack, or dessert. Its delicious and you will want to make it again!

Quotes of the night
"I am so ready to get out of this house" - #TeamJacinda
"He has missed a good catch" - #boringJoni
"She [Heather] thinks the white rose gives her some kind of immunity" - #TeamEmily

I have put off writing this recap because basically it was a rather boring episode, a bit like #boring Joni's personality - the one she blessed us with this episode. I am sure she is a great lass, but she over did it this week and unfortunately it didn't pay off.  This episode has also shone a not so nice bright light on QLDGirl or QueenB(iotch). I now know her name to be Jasmine. I thought there would have been some law about allowing a 16 year old on the show! Hahaha! Of course she's not actually 16 but she acts like she is back in high school and while it provides a bit of entertainment for a slow paced boring episode, the impressions I have been getting from her in previous episodes are now crystal clear. She does not like to play nice and she is out to verbally take down her competition. The  hot hit list has been written and almost everyone in the house is on it except Analglands and BoringJoni. I think Oshie could even be on it! While she plays friends with Emily for now, I would not put it past her to have #teamEmily on her hit list too. But her number one target to take out first is Hippie Heather. I'm gunning for a Mean Girls or Tessa and Dalia (Suburgatory - see video) style show down. Where cool girl and not so cool girl get all their frustrations out in one go. Well we can only hope it goes like this.

Hippie Heather was a good girl and obeyed Bachie's request to use her white rose. I love Emily's retort, "I am so glad she used the white rose, she thinks it is giving her some sort of immunity". Wrong show Emily, this is The Bachelor, not Survivor, though one can't blame you for getting them mixed up!
So Hippie Heather decides to use her super powers and create a date that Bachie will never forget. The date was perhaps fun in some ways but edging on lame in others. Homemade costumes, jelly wrestling and a photo shoot to end things off. Hippie Heather got her date with I am sure a few compromises - the white rose doesn't give you "ABSOLUTE" control (when Channel 10 pays the bills),  just a few suggestions so that producers can squeeze in little brand sponsorships wherever possible. I didn't see the NISSAN car, did you? What did make the night and push the laming indicator back to not so lame was when we got to see some FOOD. Hippie Heather made him dinner and although we saw her prepping the food, I can't remember if we saw her eating it? He was eating, but I think it is becoming clear. The bachiettes contracts say, "consume as many alcoholic bevvies as you wish, but under no circumstances can you consume food, even on camera"! On this last point, in this episode we do see the bachiettes back at the house spoon up fruit salad. Did we see them eating more than a spoonful?? The conspiracy continues!

The conversation all of a sudden becomes very serious when they discuss their parents. It was probably the best couple of minutes since the show began and we are all enthralled and if you didn't like BachieWood at the beginning, you must have shined a liking toward him during this touching moment. Then the all important hot topic comes up. Are they stuck in #TheFriendsZone? A quick pash on the couch and BachieWood offering a red rose cleared all of that up, for now. Hippie Heather returns to the mansion beaming with her red rose but still kept some cards close to her chest. She isn't telling the girls if he is a good kisser, which I think is a good game play, though I don't think she will be able to keep that up for much longer. This girl wears her heart on her sleeve. She claims to have a good poker face, but it's clear to the rest of Australia, that she is either an awesome actress who loves to play with the minds of her opponents or she is just really crap at hiding her emotions.

There is a group date, shock horror, at the beach because which Bachie wouldn't want his girlfriends to be in their bikinis frolicking in the water and pining after him? I wonder if there is a question on the application for the show asking if girls feel comfortable wearing their cozzies and jumping around at the same time. If you say no, you can't be on the show. I'd like to take this time to point out that there are no "plus size" girls on this show. Why is that? Poor Heybro (the turkish delight girl) lost her top in the waves, how embarrassment. At least Australia knows who she is now! Not much else exciting or interesting happens on this group date, oh hang on. We do hear Analglands say anal glands again and Bachie no happy. It was painfully clear from their short conversation that she was going home. Bachie also afforded some time to Joni and we all had to suffer for it! Joni seems like a nice lady, but unfortunately she bored the pants off all of us including Bachie, I can't quite remember what she said to be completely honest but all I remember thinking was Joni or Analglands will be going home tonight. Oh and I just wished they cracked open some s'mores by the fire they had set up, what a waste!

Back at the cocktail party and the girls are back to fulfilling their contracts of consuming more alcoholic beverages and not eating anything at all, ever, ever, ever! Good girls.  Maybe this is Survivor? QLDGirl is in full QueenB form tonight. Bachie gives Parmie a peck on the lips in front of some girls including QLDGirl. She so doesn't want to tell the others, because that would be so totes slack and bitchy, but how amazeballs would it be if she did tell everyone! So she does. Hippie Heather cracks her poker face. She loses it, but she still has cards left to play. She plays one with her Super Hero poster of Super Bachie and H-Bomb (lets leave that alone for now shall we). He loves it and will keep it forever! Really Bachie, when you propose to another woman, will that poster be kept forever? I am not too sure why Hippie Heather freaks over the Parmie peck, she is holding a rose, she is safe to fight another day and use more of her H-Bomb powers. QueenB aka Jassmine gets a red rose so that Tessa and Dalia showdown may just happen (we can pray). As I predicted (I think it was painfully obvious this week though) Analglands and BoringJoni were sent home, oh Bachie, you missed a good catch in Joni hope you don't live to regret it!

Fingers crossed next weeks episode is less boring. What Bachie Treat did you have this week?

Episode 3 Recap and Bachie Treat
Episodes 1&2 Recap and Bachie Treat

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